Craig's list and anal sex…

note: I wasn’t going to post this since it probably is to edgy for any future hopes of being on MSNBC as an “A-List” blogger talking head someday but then I figured, screw ‘em.

I say it over and over – I find so much of the good stuff on the web via posts on various feminist sites by reading what gets them upset. In this case, there is a pretty funny post on Craig’s list in the form of an open letter titled “Dear Internet Porn”. I will add the text of the letter at the end of this post. You might also want to go check out Ren’s post about it.

But first, here is the comment I added on Feministe since it probably won’t make it past moderation:

“No Ren, you’re not the only one laughing. It was pretty clearly a humorous post (there are lots of them on CL) but let’s not let that get int he way

Heck, even if it’s a serious post it means basically nothing about life as a whole. There are billions of people on Earth. Many of them will have odd addictions to all sorts of things – porn is no worse than any other.

In deference to the tone of this blog, I won’t comment on Anal sex here ” – comment by Soulhuntre

What anal sex comment? The Craig’s List posting had this to say on the topic…

“But that’s when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren’t real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.” – quote in context

So sad. The author of the post (even though I am sure it is humor) is basically a victim of his own inability to find the right women. Hell, in just about every single point made in that quote the author is wrong. Let’s look into the list…

“No girl wants a load on her face!” – bullshit. I know several and via my extended social network I know a bunch more who would be thrilled. Hell, I know girls who will go way out of their way to convince someone to do it.

“Anal sex hurts and humiliates” – only if your doing it right! Seriously, this is another one of those cases where the author really needs to expand their horizons more. Not only does anal sex not need to be painful or humiliating but in some cases a little pain and humiliation can be a killer bonus for both people involved in sex. Obviously you need to be careful with rough anal sex but it can be pretty damn rewarding.

“choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about” it probably is for the best that the author not try and do breath play in the future since they are obviously to stupid to do it right. Done well choking doesn;t need to leave bruises at all (though if you want it to you can). Besides, there are many interesting ways to choke someone that won’t leave marks.

Poor, confused bastard.

Anyway, here is the full CL post for future reference.

“Dear Internet Porn,

These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration… I don’t feel like we are the same anymore. We just don’t have that passion we used to.

When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn’t listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality.
As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend’s face, put it up her ass, choke her.

But that’s when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren’t real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.

I know it isn’t all bad. You’ve taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren’t even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I’ve been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That’s what you’ve done to me.

Even now, on the eve of Christ’s birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn’t see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I’ve told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there.

There’s no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started – just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come.

So I have one request. I know I can’t get rid of you… you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won’t leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can’t do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame.

- Your shamed lover” – the original posting

Enjoy!